Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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