Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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