You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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