honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
