Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize