i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
