All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
