ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
