I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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