Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize