Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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