did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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