After last night, I could never be a politician.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
