o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
