I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
