I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
