soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
