I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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