You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
