Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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