so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
