And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
