why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
