I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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