so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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