New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
