3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
