I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
