Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
