I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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