My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
