I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
