I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Acid is not a monday night drug
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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