What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
