Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
