i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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