At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
