I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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