I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
