If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
