Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
