Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize