May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
