Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
