I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
