Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
