I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Randomize
