What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
jump out the window naked night went bad
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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