So drunk its hurt
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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