i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
