You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
