i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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