Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
