Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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