you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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