Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
