do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
