dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize