Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
