My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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