u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
