Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Welp...herpes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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