i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
