New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
