yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize