I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
