Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
