If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
