What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize