just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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