THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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