if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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