This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize