Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
