i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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