i love accidental penises.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
