I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
