I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
is wine microwaveable?
This house was built for laser tag.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize