He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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