i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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