Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
