Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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