you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
