Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize