i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
