I puked a lego.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
