I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
