Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
