I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
