You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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