I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
