Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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