Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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