Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
