i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
zippers are such a cool invention
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
