My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
